Mood: depressed
Song: 100% by Angelspit
XXX
I hate it when someone does something or says something to you and no matter how hard you try to forget about it random stuff keeps reminding you of it. That's what's been happening to me ever since my former best guy friend said...those things...to me on Facebook. Just random stuff is reminding me of that. He never once said he was sorry for me. My mom had left a few days before. He wanted to take advantage of the fact that I was emotionally unstable. All he talked about was things he wanted to do to me and how "nice my boobs are". Fucking loser, that's what he is.
The song "faces like mine" can relate perfectly to my situation. Yet, I keep listening to it. Why? because when I listen to it I feel like I'm making sense of the situation. Like I'm not alone. Because I'm obviously not. Girls half my age have been raped by men twice his age. I shouldn't be complaining, right? Well I am. because we were best friends for over two years. And he betrayed me. We had that kind of relationship where if I needed someone to go talk to, he'd be the one I'd spill my heart out to. And he took advantage of that.
What's his name? I'll tell you. Because I don't give a fuck how he feels. He's just sorry he ever got caught.
Scott. That's his name. And i hate him.
I think I'm going to cut tonight. When everyone's asleep, I'm going to take a steak knife and cut myself. Why? Because I fucking feel like it. I hope your fucking ecstatic, Scott. Because you've hurt me. And I'm hurting myself for you. If I fucking get locked up in another fucking hospital it'll because you wanted to fucking rape me. I hate you. I hate you.
Today I wrote a song about him. It's called "Jumping the Fence". I never thought I'd hurt myself because of a person. I always thought I cut myself because inside that's what I felt like doing. But now my mom and Scott and so many other people have caused me to hurt myself. Does that make me a loser?
Today I babysat. The seven year old girl just watched tv most of the day, and her older brother slept and played video games all day. Easiest twenty bucks I've ever made.
Love, cookies, and knives,
Lolita
I think I'm going to cut tonight. When everyone's asleep, I'm going to take a steak knife and cut myself. Why? Because I fucking feel like it. I hope your fucking ecstatic, Scott. Because you've hurt me. And I'm hurting myself for you. If I fucking get locked up in another fucking hospital it'll because you wanted to fucking rape me. I hate you. I hate you.
Today I wrote a song about him. It's called "Jumping the Fence". I never thought I'd hurt myself because of a person. I always thought I cut myself because inside that's what I felt like doing. But now my mom and Scott and so many other people have caused me to hurt myself. Does that make me a loser?
Today I babysat. The seven year old girl just watched tv most of the day, and her older brother slept and played video games all day. Easiest twenty bucks I've ever made.
Love, cookies, and knives,
Lolita
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