Post Three: In Which I Am Very Surprised (and sleep too much)

Mood: Tired, slightly depressed

Song I'm Listening To: Heading to the Disco by the Horrorpops

XXXXX

Dear Internet (Eh?),

Insomnia is a very fickle thing. Well, for me it is anyway. Most nights (even with my medication) its well past midnight and into the early morning when I actually fall asleep. Then I have trouble staying asleep (unless I take my medication). Recently, however (and by that I mean over the past couple days), I've been sleeping way too much! As in, last night I went to sleep at around eleven (I took my meds) and woke up at around ten this morning, but didn't get out of bed till around one! It's half my cat's fault. She wouldn't get off me! she just sat on my back, purring into the darkness that is my shared bedroom.

As to the depression? It's rather mild. I don't feel suicidal. Which is funny, because when I give any adult the incitive the think that I am even a tiny bit depressed, they go on suicide watch and wait for me to do something stupid. Perhaps that's usually why I don't end up doing something stupid? Because I've noticed that I only cut myself when I'm alone and people don't know I'm feeling bad. Either that, or I black out and a) run away from wherever I happen to be, or b) cut myself without knowing it. Is there a name for that? Whatever. So I've learned to try and tell people what I'm feeling. I used to lie when my dad would ask, but that only ever made me feel worse. So now I tell the truth! Or at least give the bland and overused line "I don't know...piss off!"

As for why I am very surprised? Well, so I was lurking the Emilie Autumn forum (because I'm too lazy to log in half the time, so when I decide to leave a comment I have to search my email for my password) I found a picture of Jeffree Star. Well, actually, I didn't KNOW it was Jeffree Star until I read underneath the photo. I though it was a really scene-looking, really flat chested (you couldn't tell because the hair was in the way) woman with a ton of tattoos. Needless to say, I had the whole "Holy shit those are GUYS!" reaction I had when  I first discovered visual kei. This reaction can also be applied to one's first experience with Boku no Pico. (IT'S A TRAP!). I don't listen to Jefree Star, just as a side note.

Today I had group. "Group" is the shortened form of the term "Therapy Group". Actually, we don't  really have a name. So for now, it's just "Group". We're a pretty cool group of people (and I'm not just saying that because I gave two of them the link to this blog today). We're all wonderfully/brutally honest. That's good, though. I feel like I can get an honest opinion on stuff that's going on in my life, as well as give an honest opinion on stuff that they're going through. I won't give their names, since I'm not at liberty to do so. Every Tuesday at four (until whenever, really, we always end at different times) I go to group. When do I have regular therapy? Depends. This week it's on Friday (I think).

In other news, my book hasn't arrived yet. *sigh*. I do hope I get it soon :)